Struggle and breathe

I am struggling. I despise being under the thumb of my ex-husband’s Control. It impacts every decision in this world and yet I know this world is not the most important. We must cancel our Italy trip and it’s not about money. We aren’t financially rich, but we have saved over half a million AMEX points through work and a ten day trip would be super cheap. We can’t plan to leave the country for at least another two years. Maybe we will make it for Mark’s 50th Birthday, since we miss mine. Lord, please remove any spirit of fear and restore our household to the hope in your promises.

It does hurt to feel the frustration and angst rooted in this stupid court situation on my husband’s spirit. I can’t make it “all better”, but I can do small things to improve the overall impact. Hopefully, I will be close to the financial restitution number put on my heart before our seven year anniversary. What he has given our kids is priceless and it won’t surprise me if God blesses the entire situation. Lord, thank you for always showing up when we most need it, according to your will and not our own.

I do encourage travel with his friends, mission work or anything else. Still, it’s not the same as being able to travel with me. We have lost any earthly freedoms the past 8 months with this craptastic situation. Thank God, this frustration rarely shows on his face. It’s hard to hide the hurt on mine and I know that is exhausting, as well.

Truth be told, my husband has loved my kids better the past seven years than their own father. Not only is Mark a spiritual leader, his actions overflow to every facet of daily life. One on one conversations and activities, being present, thoughtful and just able to bring levity to any situation. My kids have said the same many times the past few years. Good grief, even my ex-husband has talked about what a good guy Mark is and is grateful to have him in our kids’ lives. Father God, thank you for blessing me with such a wonderful spouse. Please help me be an even better wife and partner.

Mark is always supportive and willing to serve or help with whatever any of us need. But, I am just like him in this way and I know the bile which eventually finds its way when My ex is involved. Satan, get behind us, you are not welcome in our home, in our lives or in our spirit. In Jesus’ name, I pray any ground you have touched in our lives will be restored to Our King of Kings.


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