Questioning Evangelism

Read a wonderful study brief on Phil 4:8 this morning and was guided to this book. I shall be visiting our local library soon or buying it. So perfect after last nights dinner conversation with Blake.

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Prayer, Prayer and More Prayer

The three part mini-series at church on temptation concluded on Sunday. We were asked to pick one of three things to improve our spiritual health and battle temptation. More time in the Word , more time in prayer or less time with people who are not good for our spiritual health. For me, being in prayer and being in the Word are almost the same process.

While I reflected on my friendship tree as I approached my 50th Birthday, I gave God all the glory for the ways He has changed our lives over the past decade, as well. It seems perfect to me that He has flipped me to two related scriptures the past two days regarding prayer.

Thank you, Lord. As always, I long to have your presence seen and Known in my life. I pray to know and love you better. My heart is garbled today and under the duress of legal obligations. Please, Lord, release me from this angst, protect me from all forces working against me and direct my thoughts accordingly. In Jesus’ sweet name, I pray.

Oppression and Freedom

Although I am not sure how long we can afford my counseling appointments with Abbe, I know the clarity after each appointment is priceless. It should not matter whether or not my ex-husband reads, judges and condemns every word I have written in My God Room. His opinion should not matter to me. Still, the devil is in the details and the way he convinced my son to think I had “shoved God down his throat” a few years ago weighs heavy on my heart.

Being forced to go through more than two years of ugly texts and emails has been hard on my spirit in many ways. It’s been especially exhausting between the kids being sick last week and out of school all of this week for bad weather. I have had little to zero privacy for two weeks. I have stayed up until crazy hours getting the production of documents together and lost a lot of sleep with sick kids. Menopausal women have zero business staying up all night or doing anything thing to negatively impact their sleep routine. We’ve been down this road with the FDA for several months last year. God guided me through that chaos; I know God will get me through this mess, as well. I will rest in Him the way my son rested with me on his birthday.

For example, the positive side of going through over two years of texts and Facebook posts is being reminded of the beauty in my relationships with my kids, husband and others. God is everywhere. And, it makes me smile when I intend to type GOOD and God appears. 😊

Father God, please remove any and all obstacles which hinder my relationship and focus on you. Thank you for the encouragement at 4 am to come study, read and remember what you have taught me. Keep me close, present and focused on things not of this world. My relationship with you makes every earthly relationship more meaningful. In Jesus’ name, I pray.

Struggle and breathe

I am struggling. I despise being under the thumb of my ex-husband’s Control. It impacts every decision in this world and yet I know this world is not the most important. We must cancel our Italy trip and it’s not about money. We aren’t financially rich, but we have saved over half a million AMEX points through work and a ten day trip would be super cheap. We can’t plan to leave the country for at least another two years. Maybe we will make it for Mark’s 50th Birthday, since we miss mine. Lord, please remove any spirit of fear and restore our household to the hope in your promises.

It does hurt to feel the frustration and angst rooted in this stupid court situation on my husband’s spirit. I can’t make it “all better”, but I can do small things to improve the overall impact. Hopefully, I will be close to the financial restitution number put on my heart before our seven year anniversary. What he has given our kids is priceless and it won’t surprise me if God blesses the entire situation. Lord, thank you for always showing up when we most need it, according to your will and not our own.

I do encourage travel with his friends, mission work or anything else. Still, it’s not the same as being able to travel with me. We have lost any earthly freedoms the past 8 months with this craptastic situation. Thank God, this frustration rarely shows on his face. It’s hard to hide the hurt on mine and I know that is exhausting, as well.

Truth be told, my husband has loved my kids better the past seven years than their own father. Not only is Mark a spiritual leader, his actions overflow to every facet of daily life. One on one conversations and activities, being present, thoughtful and just able to bring levity to any situation. My kids have said the same many times the past few years. Good grief, even my ex-husband has talked about what a good guy Mark is and is grateful to have him in our kids’ lives. Father God, thank you for blessing me with such a wonderful spouse. Please help me be an even better wife and partner.

Mark is always supportive and willing to serve or help with whatever any of us need. But, I am just like him in this way and I know the bile which eventually finds its way when My ex is involved. Satan, get behind us, you are not welcome in our home, in our lives or in our spirit. In Jesus’ name, I pray any ground you have touched in our lives will be restored to Our King of Kings.