For results. Crying. Thinking. Praying.
For results. Crying. Thinking. Praying.
Beginning around 4:30 yesterday afternoon, there was an unraveling in our home. I was upset with a continuing issue among employees of refusing to let me know when we are "down to five" at our business. It's not hard. Look each night before you leave and note on the envelope any of the key items for which we have less than five. Still, despite extreme measure I have taken to make it easy for them, they refuse and I allow it y antagonize me. It's like two more kids who refuse to clean the single dish in the sink.
The weight on my mind and heart has been shared. I have begged. Finally, last night, my husband says he will check each morning and proactively let me know when employees have failed to do so. In the light of day, I am still annoyed and hurt that all of my efforts have not warranted better responses until now. Lord, please help me be grateful for this new encouragement from my husband and not judge it hastily in advance.
My encouragement to you today came thru a call with a friend in Texas. Walk into the room or before bed- hold his hands, bow your head and say a one sentence prayer outloud. Lord, please help us make less of ourselves and more of you. Father God, thank you for my husband and our children, please keep our hearts opened to all you have planned for us. Anything. Everyday.
The news my mom gave me about her breast cancer diagnosis on Wednesday remains tough to process. I spoke words to a friend this morning about not feeling guilty about "not doing *this* because the time for *this* would have taken time from *that*. As I flipped to James 3 this morning, I just lost myself in scripture about the taming of and the power of the tongue. It sure does break a lot of hearts for such a tiny part of our body.
Every thought comes back to "what can I say or do that honors God and does not betray some important lessons my kids have taught me this summer. Is there anything I could have traded to spend that time in Clarksville? Sadly, the answer is "not really".
Over the past three months, I would have been there, if asked or needed. However, to put myself in a situation which has proven to be unhealthy for my thinking would not have served my mom, kids, husband or anyone else. There was only one Sunday we might have been able to go visit and be back in time for the kids Radical study. Between Blake's work schedule and Morgans babysitting and other conflicts, it simply wasn't possible for us to visit as a family.
I could have gone by myself. Still, I want so desperately to "fix" the mother-daughter relationship and have failed miserably because I keep trying to do it in my own power. I have none. Mostly, I can look back and see where God put me for His reasons. I am convinced the reason we were all able to get through so many challenges this summer is because we put God first. I could never trade that for anyone, including my mom, kids or husband. This is the hard truth.
Still, I want to be there for my mother in any way she will allow. I am going to continue to pray for direction and the wisdom to speak the words she needs to hear.
Thank you, God, for taping my mouth shut until it's clearly directed from you.
Pam. Fish. Deep. Morgan. Tsunami. Snow. Going deeper and deeper. Sarah and time to breathe. Bryan and time to move. Mark and time to grow. Friends and time to love. So much is going on and a day of writing would be good for my soul.
Father God, I praise your name and than you for the words at Kendra's funeral yesterday. I thank you for a lovely, empowering lunch with my husband and the glorious conversation and time with Marisa to praise your name boldly. I know today is packed with much to do and many to serve, I humbly ask you keep me present in the moments so that I can share whatever you need to be share of your word, power, compassion and love. Please comfort the Mull family, including my mother, and draw them closer to you, especially during Steve's funeral tomorrow.